It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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