I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Is Oprah even human
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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