My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Randomize
