You just made me feel so damn special
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Randomize
