running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
