I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
So many bounce houses so little time
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
