the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
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