I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
