Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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