so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Randomize
