We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
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