He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
