walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize