I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
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