So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
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