I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize