look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
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