He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
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