I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
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