i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
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