A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
