it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Randomize
