let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
