just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
