Come see our sink grown plant.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Randomize
