my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
