One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize
