sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Randomize
