Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
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