shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
