I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
and she was petting her beer can
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
