My friends, they love my intelligence
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Randomize
