so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
