apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Randomize
