You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
