So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
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