He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
