Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize