I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Your penis caused this!
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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