it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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