The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
