hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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