I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Randomize