You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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