Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
