she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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