exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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