You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
