Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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