the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
