You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
