Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
