im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
