help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
