I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
