My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
