He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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