So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
