pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
