she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Randomize
