I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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