he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Randomize
