the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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