I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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