He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
