So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize
