I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
