so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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