The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Randomize
