We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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