I wish life had little blips of pornography
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I think I sprained my soul last night
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
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