1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
