Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
